True Tales of Business Chicken

I let the chickens out to rummage in the yard today while I hosed out their coop. I always lure them back in at the end with popcorn, but this time I poppeed it in advance, making sure to leave it on the foor porch hidden by the privacy wall. That way they can’t see it.

I finish the disgusting task, look around…..and where’s Business Chicken? The BUSINESS, as usual. She had somehow sussed out where the popcorn was and covered the front porch in corn debris.

She sees me coming up the stairs and flips out. She runs around in circles for a few seconds, jumps on the front porch railing (between the slats, not on top, framing her Chickenness for all to see), and then LEAPS INTO THE AIR.

It was AMAZING. She flew a good twenty feet from the porch to the street and landed on the greenbelt right in front of the asphalt. I didn’t know she had it in her.

The best part was that a 20-something neighbor guy was walking by at the time looking at the ground, not paying attention, and didn’t see her coming. I see her enormous feathery body slowing drifting closer. I guess he heard this ominous whump WHUMP WHUMP WHUMPWHUMPWHUMP flapping getting closer, because when she got within about foot he dropped into a crouch to avoid FLYING MEGACHICKEN.

When he came up from his crouch and saw what he had just avoided he laughed.

I dodged a bullet there, as I’m not sure if home owner’s insurance covers neighbors getting injured by flying poultry.

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